


Domine Deus

by MementoMoriPontifexMortis



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dark, Hetalia Kink Meme, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Kink Meme, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Rape/Non-con Elements, Religious Content, Religious Fanaticism, Religious Guilt, Violence, de-anon, grim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 21:37:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2203971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MementoMoriPontifexMortis/pseuds/MementoMoriPontifexMortis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Prussia always thought himself righteous but that was before the Devil sent a temptress into his home and dragged him from his path to Heaven and the Lord.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Domine Deus

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings/Notes: This story is riddled with homophobic thoughts, heavy religious themes and self hate. It also includes violence, and sexual thoughts, thoughts of rape and murder, and self harm. It's pretty dark and grim, sorry. 
> 
> Notes: So, I'm not going to claim that everything in this is 100% correct, in fact it'd be best if we just said that about 30% is correct. I'm somewhat religious so I'm pretty sure I got most of my Bible reference correct but the whole Teutonic knights thing, we can just assume I got only like 2% of that correct even though I researched it. Umm.. also, I never thought I'd write a story where I'd have to put a warning of homophobic thoughts/actions because I'm gay so I was very challenged while writing this and thusly I'm not sure how well this came out. It's unbeta'd too. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this and I hope I wrote it dark enough.
> 
> Last thing, listen to Hell Fire (any version) for what was my inspiration during the writing of this.

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them  
\- Leviticus 20:13

 

The Bible speaks of how the Devil will tempt those who are on the righteous path with things that the righteous want. It speaks of how the Devil will come to one deep in the night, or when their faith has been lowered by hurt and pain, and how he will bring things that are worldly, like a kingdom or riches or bread or the body of a woman. Prussia never felt like that would ever happen to him, he never felt low in his faith, never felt like he needed any more than what he had. He was doing the Lord's work and that was all he needed. Oh but he was wrong because the Devil, like Lord, does work in mysterious ways and so when his people bought the lands of the Estonians from Denmark who's own country was low on funds, all he thought was that he was going to get to teach more nations the way of the Lord but he was wrong. 

“So?” Estonia asked once more, causing a vein to metaphorically burst in Prussia's temple. He was trying to teach the bible, something Denmark had failed to do for some odd reason, to the younger nation but apparently he wasn't smart enough to understand the concept. “You and your people believe there's an imaginary man up in the sky, and your people are yelling at mine for believing in spirits!” 

“God is not imaginary!” Prussia yelled, slamming his hand on the table where Estonia sat. The kid pouted, sticking out his bottom lip, and whimpered a little. Prussia stared at the bottom lip before lifting his hand and bringing it across Estonia's face. “Don't pout, it's stupid.” 

Estonia furrowed his eyebrow as he swiped his thumb pad across his lip and gaped a little when he came back with blood. “Wh- sorry.” 

“Go to your room.” Prussia said, turning away from him, “Just go now, we'll finish your lesson later.” 

When his body didn't feel like it was betraying him. Watching Estonia leave the room, Prussia seethed as he realised that he had begun to feel something for the boy. It wasn't just a desire to teach the boy the Gospel, it was becoming a desire to teach the boy other things, and a desire to bring the boy to his bed. In all his years as a nation, Prussia had never felt this before and the feeling went against everything he believed in. The Lord spoke against relations between those of the same sex and the fact that those feelings were all he was feeling made him feel like he was unworthy. 

He knew the truth though, the Lord was testing him, like he tested Abraham and Prussia was not going to fail. The Lord would see how much he loved Him and only Him. He would show the Lord what truly mattered to him and that was getting into Heaven so he could spend eternity with Him in his heavenly light. Not be sent into eternal hell because of a dirty siren. (Oh, he'll sigh late at night in his bed, the Devil thinks he might win my soul with this temptress, but the Lord already owns my soul). 

Getting down on his knees, Prussia began to whisper a prayer for strength and guidance during his fight against the Devil and those who tempt others across the path and before he finished it, he promised the Lord that he wouldn't stray and that he would prove to be the Lord's right hand on his crusade against all those who sin, so that he could bring them into the light of the Lord. Once finished, Prussia stayed down on his knees for a second before getting up and walking to his room, the thought of being the Lord's right hand in bringing salvation across Europe brought a smile to his face but it also brought the undue dread of having to deal with Estonia any longer than he thought he could. 

Two weeks later, Prussia screamed as loud as he could as he sat in his library. His hands ached with pain as he scrunched them up into fists and slammed them against the stone walls. On the floor sat Estonia, trying to hide himself from Prussia who had pinned him to the wall during one of their lessons. Prussia screamed once more before grabbing a random book off the shelving and tossing it at Estonia, who scrambled up and ran towards the door. Part of him wanted to stop the younger nation from leaving him alone, to comfort him but he wouldn't, it was Estonia's fault that Prussia was in such a state and he couldn't make his feet leave the spot where he raged. Taking breaths did nothing to calm such the fire that raged in him, the burning that would send him straight into the bosom of the Devil was much too strong and Prussia wanted nothing more than to let it consume him. It was becoming too hard to fight his feelings, and Estonia made it much more complicated. All he wanted to do was to get in Heaven. 

“Why are you tempting me!” Prussia screamed as he dropped to his knees to pray yet again. 

Recently he had begun to pray much more, every morning he prayed for forgiveness against his dreams where he pinned Estonia down and made love to the other, and during the day he prayed to be forgiven for his thoughts of kissing the other, or laughing with the other, or for the feelings of lust he felt for the other, and during the night he prayed to be protected against the dreams that haunted him. 

But the protection never happened, causing him to have to redo every prayer every morning and WHY WASN'T THE LORD PROTECTING HIM AGAINST THE DEVIL? Was he not clean enough? Did he not sacrifice so much so that the Lord's word be heard? Did he not do what he was supposed, or was this part of the test too? Where was the Angel telling him that he needed not to sacrifice anymore of his virtue and pride to the temptress and whore that was sent to him by the Devil. 

Was this even a test, was God even real? 

“Do not think that!” Prussia yelled at himself, “Stop thinking like that whore who will be your end!” 

The Devil had invaded his home and mind and the Lord waited with baited breath to see what he would do, if he would act upon the Jezebel. Prussia breathed out heavily as he sunk down to the floor to lay on his side. God would come through, just like Prussia would, he would not disappoint Him. 

That night when Prussia went to bed, his mind filled with the actions of the day, he thought only of the Lord, so that He could fend of the demons the Devil was trying to send and on the tendrils of sleep, Prussia dreamt. He dreamt of cornering Estonia in the library where the other nation spent most of his time when he wasn't forced to spend time with Prussia's men. Then he would bend downwards, place his lips on the younger nation's lips and – the feeling of the dream made it's way to his lower regions and he woke with a start. 

This had to end, Prussia thought, he had to make sure that the whore wouldn't tempt him anymore. 

Getting up from bed, Prussia raced to where Estonia slept and opened the door with a bang. The other nation woke with a small gasp before Prussia rushed over there and grabbed his arm, dragging him from the bed. “I have given you too much,” Prussia ranted as he dragged Estonia through the castle of his King, before he went to the servants quarters. “You will stay here and work throughout the castle.” 

“What?” Estonia muttered, blinking rapidly. 

“I said,” He yanked harshly on Estonia's arm before tossing him to the stone floor, “you will be working as a servant, as a way to get rid of this rebelliousness.” 

The whore looked like he was about to speak again when Prussia turned and left without any other word. Though it was uncalled for, it was the only thing he could think of to do, if the other nation was far enough away and covered in dirt, then it would be impossible to think of the other sexually. Right? With that last thought, Prussia slammed his door shut and hoped that the rest of his dreams would be well and right, and not filled with the tramp that the Devil sent. 

)()( 

“So looks like you're teaching him to be a... servant?” France asked as he sipped his drink and Spain smiled. Prussia sent a look towards Estonia who was serving them, and motioned for him to go wait near the door. 

“Well, unlike your conquest, mine know right from wrong.” Prussia shot before drinking a little of his own drink. 

“If you ask me, I bet you think he just looks cute under you.” Spain joked but it caused Prussia to choke on his drink. That wasn't true, that was a lie, he thought heavily before spitting out his drink. 

“Estonia!” He called, his chair hitting the ground as he stood up and waited for the other nation to hurry over, “Is this what you think tastes good?” He asked, slamming the cup to the ground, allowing the glass to break. “Because it tastes like shit!” 

“Um, I.. I didn't..” 

“You didn't care? Or you did and you just thought let's poison those better than you?” Prussia snarled and slapped him across the face once... twice... three times and the other nation fell. “Do you like having to be punished? Is that the reason for your transgressions?” 

“No, I..” Estonia broke off in a sad whimper, “I wasn't... I'm sorry, I'll do better next time.” 

Prussia growled, “You better, now pick this up and leave.” He grabbed his chair off the ground and sat back up, “Sorry, the kid's absolutely useless and shitty.” 

France stared at him, “I thought the drink tasted fine,” He said with a look towards Spain who nodded his head, “but if you think it tasted that bad, maybe I'm wrong.” 

“You are,” Prussia sneered, “the kid fucks up everything, sometimes I wonder how Denmark kept the bastard around without killing him.” 

Spain spoke softly, “Maybe he had thoughts about sleeping with him, Denmark's like that a lot. At least, according to Scotland, isn't that right France?” 

France smiled and shook his head, “Where you hear these things makes me wonder,” He said, laughing a little, “Yes, I heard that too from Scotland. I'm not that shocked, Denmark is rather handsome --” 

“That's disgusting,” Prussia spat, “how can you be so disgusting France?” 

France looked taken back, “What do you mean?” he asked, trying to keep a tone out of his words. The way Spain looked made him think he failed though, but who cared? “Disgusting?” 

“Having thoughts about other men that way are disgusting,” Prussia said, a look of scorn on his face, “Don't you know the Lord's going to punish you for that.” 

“The Lord punishes for thoughts now?” 

“If a man lieth with mankind as he lieth with a woman --” 

France groaned, “Oh shut up! How can you even care about that, though I'm religious I doubt the Lord meant that we had to follow the same words as humans.” 

Prussia glared, “You dare put yourself about mankind as a God?” He asked, “If not then follow the rules put in place by the Lord Saviour and respect his wishes.” 

France rolled his eyes and said, “The Lord's words would hold more weight if he hadn't made the Devil.” 

“Get out,” Prussia said lowly, “If you are going to be a sinner and a Jezebel then you are not welcomed here, not anymore.” 

France gaped, “You self righteous pig!” He slowly counted to ten before speaking up again, “I don't think I'm a god, you know this Prussia.” 

“Gilbert, honestly think about this,” Spain said, placing a hand on Prussia's shoulder. “Do you really think that Franny thinks he's about the Lord?” 

“No,” Prussia sighed and looked at them, “I'm surrounded by sinners and the unrighteous and those who refuse to believe and it's becoming harder to sympathize with them like the Lord says I should.” 

“This is about Estonia's continuing his practices of paganism, isn't it?” France asked before sighing, “I understand, I do but there's not much you can do. Changing one's faith takes time.”

“I know, but I've been trying to teach him the gospel for years, a hundred years to be exact.” Prussia argued. “And I'm getting tired of waiting.” 

)()( 

“I will burn before I follow your god.” Estonia spat at Prussia, getting up from the table where Prussia had begun their lesson that night. Prussia glared before he walked over to Estonia and pushed down on his shoulder. 

“Sit down and listen!” He demanded but Estonia persisted. 

“No!” 

Finally fed up with years of disobedience, Prussia pushed Estonia to the floor and then jumped on top of him, “Stop being a witch!” He screamed as he slapped him over and over again. Estonia tried to fight back but he wasn't used to fighting, and Prussia pinned his hands to his side. “Why do you do this?” He asked. 

“Why do you do this?” Estonia whispered, “Why do you force your thoughts and religions and things on me, when it's obvious I don't care.” 

“I do this for you!” He yelled, “Everything I do is for you and you are just an ungrateful whore!” Prussia got up to his feet before kicking Estonia in the stomach, “Clean up and get out wretch.”

He couldn't do this anymore, Prussia thought, he had to find some way to get rid of Estonia before he went crazy. Before he acted on his thoughts and... He growled out a breath before stomping to his room. He was too tired to think on this right now, tomorrow he would begin his search of where he could send Estonia, but tonight, he would sleep. (Even if those dreams where he took Estonia into his bed continued to persist, much like the young nation himself). 

“God have mercy on me,” Prussia prayed as he always did every night since he realised his body was being tempted. “God please watch me while I sleep.” 

He undressed for the night and slid into his bed, and closed his eyes, only opening them when he thought the door opened. “Hello?” he asked the dark, getting no response. He closed them once more, and began to drift farther and farther into sleep when he felt the bed dip down. His eyes flew open and his mouth opened in surprise as he noted that Estonia laid in the bed next to him. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

Estonia smiled. “I've noticed your eyes on me,” He answered, his right hand coming up to trace at Prussia's face, “And I want you to know that I feel the same.” 

“No,” Prussia tried to break the contact but he couldn't move, “It's a sin!” He argued and Estonia laughed. 

“Those words don't apply to us,” His words echoed France's previous words, “so what does it matter?” 

“We are not..” Prussia drifted off as Estonia's hands drifted down his body, hands soft as they touched each of his scars. 

“I would protect you from all who would harm you,” He said softly before he bent his body down to kiss at Prussia's neck. “And I wouldn't harm you either.” 

“Stop,” Prussia lifted a hand to hold Estonia back but instead cupped the other's head and switched their positions. “This isn't right.” 

“Why not?” Estonia asked, his body splayed for Prussia to play with, “Do you not like me enough?” He looked across the room to the fireplace with a sad look and Prussia began to shake his head. 

“No, it's not that,” He began, “It's never been that.” It would never be that, he would always feel that way for Estonia but this wasn't right, never would it be right. Estonia would never come to Prussia's bed willingly.. or would he? He never tried. Maybe that's why Estonia came willingly tonight, unlike all the dreams where Prussia had all but raped the younger nation. 

“Get off.” Estonia whispered and Prussia stared at him for a moment, “Get off me, Prussia stop, this hurts!” The other squirmed underneath him, not in the way that Prussia wanted, and began to cry. “Please, stop, please!” 

Prussia didn't budge though, instead he just wondered what happened. How did everything change so fast? “Wha-?” 

“Please! Prussia, stop that hurts! No, stop!” He wasn't doing anything but still Estonia begged, “Stop, please, stop!” Estonia's hands slammed against Prussia's chest and he was catapulted upwards and out of the bed. 

His body shook with tremors as he breathed in and out, trying to calm himself. It was a nightmare he had, nothing that was real and he hated himself. He hated this. He had to get rid of the kid, no more stalling but where could he send the kid and still control him? Prussia couldn't think though, so he got up and began to walk around. That was until his feet brought him in front of the room where Estonia slept and his hand was raised to knock. Why he was even knocking was beyond him, this was his home, not Estonia's. Still, he did knock and waited for the telltale sound of someone getting up. 

Estonia opened the door with sleepy eyes until he noticed that it was Prussia who stood before him and he gasped, “Sorry, um, did..” A moment of straightening himself out before he opened the door wide enough, “Come in, my lord.” 

My lord was a title Estonia had recently begun to use for him, at least when the kid wasn't angry and screaming curses at him. It was a sign of subservient behaviour and caused a twinge in Prussia's lower regions but still Prussia allowed it to be used. 

Walking into the room, Prussia asked, “Who's your next of kin?” and Estonia frowned. 

“I don't understand, my lord?” 

“Come on, really? How useless can you-” he stopped himself before he could continue the rant, and breathed in and out. “I'm talking about family. Who are you related to?” 

“Finland and Hungary.” Estonia said before asking, “What is this about?” 

“Do you question me?” Prussia asked as he wondered if he could give away the kid to one of those two, “Do you dare?” 

“No, my lord, I just... I was wondering what caused you to wake from your sleep.” Estonia bowed his head and something in Prussia broke. He strode over to where Estonia stood and grabbed the other's chin in his hand. Estonia stared at him in shock and fear but that did nothing to stop Prussia as he ducked his head and brought their lips together. 

“I ought to kill you,” Prussia said as soon as they parted and Estonia shook his head as well as he could what with his head being held still by Prussia's long fingers. 

“Pr-Prussia...” His breathing became erratic but still he tried to speak, nothing understandable coming out. 

“Gilbert,” He corrected and Estonia stared at him, still too shocked to talk right. “You will call me Gilbert, and you will accept this and we will become a union of shared wealth and power.” 

“Prussia, please...” The Estonian whimpered and Prussia pushed on his chin to tip him over to the ground. 

“Did you not hear me!” The older nation yelled, “You will obey me.” 

All protest stopped in Estonia's throat and he nodded and said, “Yes, Gilbert, I understand.” He bowed his head and hoped that Prussia would break out of whatever psychotic problem he was having before he did something he'd regret later on. If it was something that Prussia would regret but then again, Estonia hardly understood what Prussia did and why he did something. The other nation seemed so weird and unlike any other nation he had met in his short life. 

Gilbert, as Estonia was forced to call him, nodded himself and walked over to the bed where Estonia had slept. “Come here, we will consummate tonight, and make the plans tomorrow.” He said, patting an empty spot next to him. 

Estonia got up slowly, and trudged over there, his eyes never leaving the floor as his mind reeled with ideas of how to get out of whatever Prussia wanted from him. Well, he knew what the other nation wanted but he didn't know why the other nation wanted it. From the beginning of their entire relations, Prussia had shown Estonia that all he thought of him was nothing more than a pagan whore who didn't understand how lucky he was to have been bought by him. 

Prussia looked down as he waited for Estonia to finish trudging, a small smile slowly graced his face, finally he'd get rid of the dreams. If it was marriage, it wasn't wrong, even if they were the same gender. God wouldn't send them to hell because he made them like this, God made them--

A crash pulled him from his thoughts and the last thing he saw before darkness consumed him was Estonia holding a broom. “I will burn in your Catholic Hell before I sleep with you!” Estonia growled. 

)()( 

Prussia was alone when he woke, the fire from the fireplace dying down and the little trinkets that Estonia had owned was gone. He groaned as he sat up and grabbed at the bed, he could hardly rememb-

“Oh Lord, forgive me.” He whispered as the events that had happened pushed their way to the forefront. He was a sinner, a dirty dirty sinner and the Lord would cast him into the flames of Hell for what he did. Not only did he try to act on his carnal desires (!) but he almost slept with a guy, and he was disgusting for it! He quickly got to his feet and let them carry him to the stream that sat just outside of town. Oh how he failed his Lord Jesus' test, “I am a sinner, let me burn for it.” He begged while he soaked in the little stream. 

“I do not deserve to be forgiven or allowed in your kingdom.” He muttered over and over again, trying to get the feel of dirt and grime off of his body. 

It was late afternoon before Prussia dragged himself out of the stream, his body freezing and his thoughts dark. He would go to hell like all the other sinners, the ones he tried to teach and there he would rot, he was not good enough. Closing his eyes he pushed back all his emotions and decided that from that moment on, he would focus more on doing good, and when he was to be judged, he'd let Jesus and God send him downwards with a semi-cleared conscience. It was the least he could do. 

As for Estonia, who had apparently ran away, he could do nothing. The witch had tempted him as the right hand for the Devil, pulling Prussia from his high place as the right hand of the righteous so for all Prussia cared, the kid could die. His mind and home was cleared of such scum, a siren to lead men to their deaths, and now he could do what he was put on this earth for; to rid the world of those like Estonia. 

(Late at night though, Prussia knew that was a lie, he wasn't cleared of Estonia's presence, for everything he did was filled with the scent that Estonia carried. Every night he was haunted of dreams where instead of Prussia hurting him, it was others and every waking moment was secretly used to search for the siren that would share his bed one day. Every look at his men, he saw something that reminded him of Estonia. Slowly, he would go crazy, until he wasn't crazy anymore. Until the Bishop left him with words that calmed the fire left there by Estonia; Jesus forgives all.) 

)()( 

Prussia shivered against the cold parka given too him by Russia, before he glanced out the window once more of the stupid vehicle Russia's human servant was driving. It was too cold for him over here, too cold and too stupid. He couldn't believe he was now forced to stay with Russia as punishment for his actions during the war – you know it's your godly punishment, his mind supplied for him – and he hated the decision with every bone in his body. 

“This is stupid!” Prussia complained once more as the car came to a slow stop in front of a huge mansion. 

“It does not matter,” Russia said, pulling him from the car from his upper arm. Right at the door, Russia turned slowly, “Do not harass anyone here. Keep your head down and do your job and I might let you join the family. “ 

He scoffed but nodded when Russia yanked his arm upwards, “Fine, fine!” He groaned and rubbed the sore arm the second Russia let him go. “Can we just go in, I'm freezing.” 

Russia smiled and opened the door, only to be greeted by three people - not people, the Baltics, his mind added – and his heart stopped as Prussia was greeted by the sight of Estonia. Years had passed since they had seen each other, and now seeing the younger nation, a sick feeling pooled in the bottom of his gut, the pain of what he did came back full force. Prussia could just barely hear the greetings they gave Russia but that didn't matter as he turned his head away. 

He would keep his head down, suffer and deal with the consequences because the Lord had placed him here after all these years as punishment. He had tortured and abused Estonia for wrong reasons and now it was only fair that he had the same happen to him because as the good book says, 'an eye for an eye'. Prussia swallowed his fear, and continued to follow Russia into the pits of what would be his hell. 

He spared Estonia one last glance with a whispered, “Sorry,” that was never to be heard by anyone but himself and turned his head upwards in prayer. It had been years since Prussia last prayed but he hoped that he wouldn't be seduced by the Devil to do wrong again and he prayed that he would make it out of here. (And he would, even if he had to bleed and cry for it, he would get out of here). 

“God have mercy on me,” He muttered, as Russia directed him to his basement.


End file.
